{"id":3560,"date":"2019-04-06T18:07:27","date_gmt":"2019-04-06T23:07:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/last-drum.flywheelsites.com\/?p=3560"},"modified":"2019-11-14T06:03:52","modified_gmt":"2019-11-14T11:03:52","slug":"friends-and-family-what-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/autism.org\/friends-and-family-what-to-say\/","title":{"rendered":"Friends & Family: What to say"},"content":{"rendered":"

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As a friend or a family member to a loved one who has recently received an autism diagnosis, it can be challenging to know the right way to be supportive. Here are 10 Things Parents with Loved Ones on the Autism Spectrum Would Love to Hear<\/strong>, written by the friends and family of someone with autism.<\/p>\n<\/div>

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#1 Recieve the News with Respect<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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As a friend or family member or a loved one with autism, it is normal to want to know more about the diagnosis. It is important to know that questioning the diagnosis is usually more harmful than helpful.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cMaybe it\u2019s a misdiagnosis \u2013 I\u2019ve heard they are overdiagnosing things these days.\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s lucky to have an observant parent learning about his needs. Thanks for trusting me enough to share this \u2013 I am here for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

#2 Spend Time Together<\/h3>\n

Caregivers for someone with autism would love to have more free time, but typically this is not the case. You can help by spending time with them in ways that are flexible to their schedule.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cAre you getting enough time for yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cCan you find time to catch a movie or have dinner out with me next week? If you can\u2019t get out, can I come by?\u201d<\/p>\n

#3 Be Sensitive to Sensory and Developmental Needs<\/h3>\n

People with autism are often sensitive to sensory information (touch, smell, noise…). In addition, sometimes developmental delays can accompany autism (for example delayed speech). This is NOT the case for all people with autism and you can help your loved one by asking thoughtful questions to learn more about their needs.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cI got him this gift \u2013 I know it\u2019s technically a little young for him, but I thought that it might be more his level.\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong>\u00a0Call ahead and ask what the child would like, or, when in doubt: gift card.<\/p>\n

#4 Don’t Ask Questions About the Family’s Genetic Background<\/h3>\n

This is a deeply personal issue and with some disorders, it\u2019s still unclear if they stem from genes, environment, or both. Listen only to what the parent volunteers.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cDo you know whose family it came from?\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong> Nothing.<\/p>\n

#5 Offer to Lend a Hand<\/h3>\n

It can mean the world to a caregiver’s busy schedule when a friend or family member offers to help out.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cLife doesn\u2019t give us anything we can\u2019t handle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cSo, when can I babysit?\u201d<\/p>\n

#6 Listen<\/h3>\n

As a friend or family member, it is natural for you to want to say the right thing – but it can be difficult to know exactly what the\u00a0right\u00a0<\/em>thing is. One of the best things you can do to help a parent of someone with autism is to give them the space to talk and to be a good listener in response.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cThis is an opportunity: You just didn\u2019t land where you expected, but landed. You thought you were going one place, but just ended up in another place. Have you seen that wonderful poem, \u2018Welcome to Holland?\u2019\u201c<\/p>\n

\u2028Better to say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m here if you want to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

#7 Resist Passing Judgement<\/h3>\n

Recognize that communication \u2013 particularly the ability to understand language receptively \u2013 can be an issue in some disabilities. This can look very different from the outside; try to resist passing judgment.<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cMaybe he just needs a little more discipline.\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to:\u00a0<\/strong>Ask questions and listen.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

#8 Learn the Facts<\/em> About Autism – From Trustworthy Resources!<\/h3>\n

With the influx of information in the news and media about autism, there is a lot of noise and unreliable information. You can help by reading responsible research and presenting these facts, objectively, to your friend or family member affected by autism.<\/p>\n

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People often say: \u201cIt\u2019s too bad you didn\u2019t find out sooner. I\u2019ve heard the prognosis isn\u2019t as good if they don\u2019t catch it early.\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cCan I help by reading up on the current resources and research<\/a>? I\u2019d be interested in learning more and I\u2019m happy to help fill out forms\/laminate PECS\/help with your laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n

#9 Be Inclusive<\/h3>\n

Families affected by autism often feel isolated, you can help by including them whenever possible<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cSo \u2013 when\u2019s our next playdate?\u201d<\/p>\n

#10 Treat Them Normally<\/h3>\n

An autism diagnosis can be overwhelming, sometimes the best thing you can do to support a family affected by autism is to treat them normally!<\/p>\n

People often say: \u201cSo how is “Junior” (child with special needs)?\u201d Not asking about your other kids, family, etc.<\/p>\n

Better to say:<\/strong> \u201cI love your holiday cards\/Facebook posts\/email updates. What\u2019s the latest?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>

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